Don't Worry, We Get It
Libratarian mouthpiece, Reason Magazine, is going to be sending its subscribers issues with customized covers, featuring a satellite photo of the subscriber's house. Libratarians get off on scaring each other almost as much as we here at Paranoia do -- except we're not trying to get you to re-up on your subscription.
Modern Libratarianism is an outgrowth of Ayn Rand's objectivist philosophy/religion. And, of course, we fear them as much as we fear any other crazy-ass religion.
Monday, April 05, 2004
The Ocean Is Dying
We need the ocean. It covers two thirds of the surface of the Earth, and it is the home to countless unique animal and plant species. And parts of it have been rendered more barren than the largest deserts, according to the UN.
While the United Nations is undoubtably the one-world government spoken of in Revelations, it's still a pretty big organization. We believe there is a reasonable possibility that the people responsible for this report are not connected to the black helicopter division.
We need the ocean. It covers two thirds of the surface of the Earth, and it is the home to countless unique animal and plant species. And parts of it have been rendered more barren than the largest deserts, according to the UN.
While the United Nations is undoubtably the one-world government spoken of in Revelations, it's still a pretty big organization. We believe there is a reasonable possibility that the people responsible for this report are not connected to the black helicopter division.
U.S. Government (Allegedly) Stole a Man's Gold
It's all explained in this article here. All the usual suspects are named, like the CIA and Ferdinand Marcos. That's right folks, before we demanded that he leave, we helped him steal.
It's all explained in this article here. All the usual suspects are named, like the CIA and Ferdinand Marcos. That's right folks, before we demanded that he leave, we helped him steal.
Putting it Together
Your parents probably told you that sitting too close to the television would ruin your eyes; now, new evidence suggests that regardless of where you sit, if you're below a certain age, television actually ruins your brain. Of course, we already knew this, and are currently awaiting another study to point out the obvious fact that TV is also a tool of mind control.
So, once your kids are given television induced ADHD, you have no choice but to give thousands of dollars to big-pharma for the drugs you need to calm them down. (It's only a matter of time before Pfizer starts sponsoring the Teletubbies.)
We hope you weren't hoping that your kids would someday become famous athletes. Because it turns out that ADHD medication may stunt their growth. Fortunately, you can give even MORE money to the drug company cartel for hormone treatments.
The windfall for the legal drugs cartel is so great, it's difficult to imagine that anyone else would be behind this plot. (We have, as yet, been unable to link all this to either the Freemasons or Scientology, try as we might.) But, there is possibly another dark hand behind all this: Those gosh-darned Europeans.
Your parents probably told you that sitting too close to the television would ruin your eyes; now, new evidence suggests that regardless of where you sit, if you're below a certain age, television actually ruins your brain. Of course, we already knew this, and are currently awaiting another study to point out the obvious fact that TV is also a tool of mind control.
So, once your kids are given television induced ADHD, you have no choice but to give thousands of dollars to big-pharma for the drugs you need to calm them down. (It's only a matter of time before Pfizer starts sponsoring the Teletubbies.)
We hope you weren't hoping that your kids would someday become famous athletes. Because it turns out that ADHD medication may stunt their growth. Fortunately, you can give even MORE money to the drug company cartel for hormone treatments.
The windfall for the legal drugs cartel is so great, it's difficult to imagine that anyone else would be behind this plot. (We have, as yet, been unable to link all this to either the Freemasons or Scientology, try as we might.) But, there is possibly another dark hand behind all this: Those gosh-darned Europeans.
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